Saturday, December 31, 2011

Reflections

The year 2012 is just a few short hours away. I'm sitting here waiting for the clock to chime in the new year. I'm also doing the same thing I do every year as I wait for the new year to arrive. I'm looking over the last year and reflecting over some of the events.

2011 was the year of the "BIG BAD" being toppled. This was the year that played out like some kind of twisted video game. Off hand I can think of three Big-Bad's who left the world in 2011.

Osama bin Laden - The" head of the snake" leader of the worlds most active terrorist organisation.

Muamar Gaddafi - Much reviled head of a country renowned for training terrorists.

Kim Jong-il-  The worlds longest serving dictator.

The first two in my reflective list were terminated with extreme prejudice. I think this was justified to a huge degree based on their actions alone. I guess you could call it a "Live-by-the-sword-die-by-the-sword" philosophy. Or a "Reap-as-you-sow" philosophy. Either way, they got what they deserved. Dirty, violent deaths meted out in public. I know this sounds rather Old Testament, but, I do believe that these type of "people" deserve no better end that what they received.

The last on my list is, in my mind at least, a huge enigma. Kim Jong-il was the North Korean dictator for a long time. He managed to keep an entire country blind-folded, single-handedly. Yet, this was a man who was a fanatical film fan. He was also adored by his "captive" constituents. He shuffled off this mortal coil in his sleep.  Not really the end one envisions for a "Big Bad" is it. But Jong-il is a villain by default really. I know he was not a very nice person. This is the man, after all, who kidnapped the most talented South Korean film director of the time and imprisoned him for seven years. During his incarceration the director existed on a diet of salt, rice, and grass. At the end of his "sentence" Jong-il brought the man's wife to North Korea and placed them both on house arrest. The purpose of this whole exercise was to improve the North Korean film industry. Like I said, he was a fanatical film fan - just a not too tightly wrapped one in my opinion.

Still Jong-il was the least of the Big Bad's who departed in 2011. Old age and ill health defeated him. The first two were beaten by the military - although Gaddafi was technically done in by his own countrymen.

I know I'm taking the long way around the barn to make my point, but, I'll get there soon. I made the somewhat flippant remark about a "twisted video game" above, but I do think of things in a gamer's verse sometimes. It helps to take away the horror of it all, I suppose. But my point is this: Two of these monstrous examples of "humanity" were taken down by young men and women who serve their countries in uniform.

While I type this there are still young men and women who voluntarily serve their countries in the pursuit of defeating evil and aiding the worlds downtrodden.  A lot of these young people die as a result. When I was a kid, we had the draft, or conscription if you prefer that phrase, and the military was full of young folks who didn't really want to be there.

So I guess while I wait for Big Ben to chime in the new year I'll reflect mainly on the young men and women who daily put themselves in harms way to fight and die for our freedom. These brave people who volunteered for the chance to stop evil spreading and protecting our rights. Not just in 2011 but in the new year as well.

Happy New Year to our Armed Forces. May 2012 be the year where peace becomes the clarion cry that the world listens to.

Friday, December 30, 2011

Triggers

So Christmas has finished, in my mind at least, I've never celebrated the "12 days of Christmas" thing. We started taking down the decorations today. The tree is the last decoration standing at the moment. With my work schedule, it will be late in the week before we take the tree down and put the bits and bobs back up into the attic.

The funny thing is, we started talking about taking everything down two days ago! I suppose it has something to do with the total lack of Christmas spirit this year in our reduced household. Moving just before the festive season really left no room for presents or for much in the way of celebration. This I suppose was due, in part, to lack of immediate funds. But mainly, I think, it was down to triggers.


"Triggers" are things that set us off, or set us up, if you know what I mean. I was introduced to the phrase via the Mental Health Team where I work. I had always thought it was an overworked and over-relied on term that was used to explain a multitude of sins. I've had a change of heart.

My daughter and I were discussing these triggers the other day.

It was after an argument interestingly enough, about the laptop and my "umbilical" attachment to it. She had asked me, quite reasonably, to put the lid down for a minute while she finished telling me something. I was, as usual when I'm on the computer,  just half-listening. I was cruising the net - that's spelt facebook and twitter - and I reacted in a remarkably bad manner. I was furious that she would dare to ask such a thing of me.

I don't mean that I worked up to this emotion. It happened instantaneously. After apologising for my stupid behaviour things went back to normal.  Then a short while later, I said something about the state of her room. Nothing serious going on in there, just a surplus of clothing that hadn't been put away. She blew up and pretty much tore a strip off me. Again,  apologies all around and things back to normal.

We discussed both situations later over tea. I explained that I knew where my reaction had come from. Her mother used to complain every time I got the laptop out. My daughter then realised that her reaction had stemmed from her mother's complaining constantly about the state of her room. I then mentioned triggers and the reaction that they have on us. We both concluded that we needed to be aware of the trigger things and try to avoid reacting to them when they popped up.

I have now come to the conclusion that our "lack" of  Christmas this year - although I must add that we did do a Christmas video this year and had a lot of fun doing it - was as a result of the trigger of last years festive season. Last year was the first time we had not spent the holidays as a family unit. It was strange, uncomfortable and awkward. I honestly believe it set us up for the overall downer that was Christmas this year.

We are now looking forward to the new year and have high hopes that it will be better than the last two years. I think we have a pretty good chance of succeeding as well. We just have to look out for triggers. Everyone has things that "trigger" a response from them. These responses or reactions can be good or bad, we just have to learn to recognise why we have them and how to avoid them if they are of the bad variety.

So that is my wish for everyone in 2012. Learn what your triggers are and change how you react to them. It will help make you a calmer person in the end. It will probably be the one time in your life that it's okay to be "trigger happy."

Saturday, December 24, 2011

I'll Be Home...

Christmas always makes me a little maudlin. I think mainly because the last time I spent it with my family was in 1978. I know I'm a little old to want to spend this time of year with my parents and my brother and his family. But I always miss them badly this time of year. It has been 33 years after all. It would also be nice to spend Christmas with both my kids. I'll be with my daughter but my son who lives in America I haven't spent Christmas with since he was about one.

I guess the thing I really miss, are the family get together's we had when I was a child. One day would be set aside to see the grandparents and ALL the local family. The next day would be reserved for my grandmother and the slightly smaller local family. Both days were full of laughter, jokes, stories and great food. 

At my grandparents the women would all get together in the kitchen. There they'd help Grandma finish the dishes she'd started preparing and unwrapping all the goodies they'd brought to eat. The men would set in the front room or on the porch and drink copious cups of coffee and smoke. The kids did what children always do when they are together: bicker, squabble, play and get excited over the prospect of extra presents.

Once the food was served up the kids ate in one of the many bedrooms in my grandparent's house. I still remember when I got old enough to join the adults in the main room of the house. I felt very grown up and a little proud. Of course the highlight of the day for me was sitting out on the front porch with Grandpa and drinking coffee. While we froze our asses off, he told the most marvellous stories about when he was younger. These mostly consisted of when he travelled all over the place doing migratory work to feed his many children. He picked peaches on the Mexican border and worked in a lumber camp in Colorado, just to name two. As far as I know I was the only grandchild to be told these stories. It made me feel very special.

At my Grandmother's house, the whole thing was a bit smaller. Less family members but just as much fun. One of my favourite Uncles was always there. I adored him. To me, and yes it sounds silly I know, he made me think of a "white" Sammy Davis Jr. It was his voice I think. Oh I don't mean he could sing like Sammy, but when he talked, he had the same kind of voice. But his main attraction, I think, was his colourful language. He'd been in the Navy and his vocabulary reflected this. Plus he was funny. He saw life as being funny and was a very jokey character.

Of course the "women-in-the-kitchen" and the "men-in-the-main-room" tradition was also practised at my Grandmother's with the kids acting exactly the same. The main difference was no-one went out onto the porch for coffee and smokes. There wasn't one.

I guess, in retrospect, what I really miss this time of year are those old celebrations with  mother, father, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I suppose I also miss the wonder of being a child and seeing everything through a child's eyes. Long after I discovered that there really was no Santa Claus, Christmas still held a special place in my heart. It was a time when the whole family put their differences aside and got together.  Quite an accomplishment when you consider how big that family was. 

I guess we all lose the "wonder" of  Christmas when we grow up. It's harder to see the magic of the holiday. And yes, it is magic. What other time of the year brings families together in such a way. I'll never forget those special times at my grandparents with my mom, dad and brother. Oh we had fun at Christmas in our house too, but that was like the preamble to the main event. 

So like the song says, "I'll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams."

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Games

Way back in July of this year The Today Show stated that "It's weird for men over thirty to play video games, unless they're playing video games with a child." Okay, for those more observant of you out there, yes I did paraphrase the quote...a lot. But that was the bottom line message from television personality Donny Deutsch. Gee thanks Donny. I guess that puts me so far past weird that I can expect the men in white coats to come knocking any day now.

I can never understand this prejudice against video games. Normally rational adults spend more time denigrating and vilifying video games. Blaming them for everything from juvenile crime to brainwashing. So over thirty is too old to play video games? What about board games? Card games? The common thread in all these games is the word game. I know geriatrics that love playing games that range from Monopoly to Sorry.

I'm fifty-three years old. I'll refrain from using that sickening phrase "I'm fifty-three years young." This is always stated with a kind of simper - I have to massively control the urge to simultaneously gag and strangle any idiot who uses that phrase. Anyway, back to the point. At fifty-three, you might very well say that I should have more on my mind than playing video games. In most cases I'm sure you'd be right. In my case, no.

I also happen to think that more men over thirty are playing video games than Donny or The Today Show think. That's because video games, which started their infancy as Arcade games, have been around for quite a while now. Space invaders was available to play when I was just twenty. I remember it well. Just a quarter a  pop and you could play this exciting and frustrating game.

I was twenty-one when my first boss in the USAF took me to his house to see his new Atari machine. You could hook it up to your telly and fly planes and shoot each other. This kept us entertained for months. You could shoot each other with other vehicles, but, none of those were as much fun as the planes.

I then got off the "games train" for a few years. I rediscovered the train years later via a younger friend I worked with. He said, "Let's go to the bowling alley. I want to show you something." That something was Street Fighter. Once again I was hooked. Then I discovered Mario Bros, then Donkey Kong, well you get the idea. Once again I fell off the train. Then we got my daughter a PS1 for Christmas and I met Laura Croft. I was in love! This gal was great! She could shoot in mid-air! WOW!  Plus, this gal had a story to go along with all this game play. This was the last time I got on the train and I've not gotten off. I don't intend to either.

I can honestly say that until arthritis makes using the controllers too difficult - although...Hey, with the Kinect and the PS move, or even *shudder* the Nintendo Wii, that can be gotten around. I suppose that when I get really old and my mental facilities slow way down, I will have to stop. But until then, it's  GAME ON!



Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Baggage

Talking about relationships with my daughter the other day, I stated that I was in no hurry to enter into another one. She was a little concerned about this turn of events and said so. She opined that surely I did not want to arrive at my dotage alone. I have thought about this and I have decided that I am not bothered. It's mainly because of the baggage you see.

Let me explain.

Everyone has baggage. Baggage equals: children - both young and/or grown, hang-ups - both recent and distant, family - parents alive and deceased, exes - ex-partners and ex-lovers (that may still be hanging around the periphery and causing problems), grandchildren - ugh. The last one hurts to actually think about. I mean I know I'm in denial about my age and the age of women who would be (logically) potential partners, but...dating Grandma's??

I have my own baggage. Trust issues with future partners, this is based on my last long lasting relationship. The active dislike of dealing with other peoples issues. In-laws and their respective family units automatically become part of your family, whether you want them or not. I could handle all that political manoeuvring when I was much younger. I doubt I have the patience now. Other baggage includes my active denial and dislike of growing older. I haven't gone through my second childhood yet - my daughter will probably argue I never left my first one - but, I am sure it isn't far off. I do promise not to try skateboarding again.

I have thought seriously about this new thing everyone keeps talking about: Friends with benefits. I have decided at the end of the day that this simply will not work either. Why? Because I'm self admittedly picky. Kind of like Groucho Marx's statement about clubs. "I wouldn't want to be a member of any club who would accept me as a member." Okay, apart from my eternal joking around about me being like Cary Grant and getting more attractive the older I get, I know that my "pulling" power is diminishing with age. I also don't really fancy women my own age.

I know how that sounds. Bad right? But every relationship I've ever had, with one or two exceptions have been with women younger than me. My ex-wife was seven years younger. I don't find overweight, leather faced, chicken winged gals attractive. Yes I know that makes me really shallow. I know this and I accept it. I will admit that yes personality pays a huge role in women I find desirable. The ability to laugh and have fun outweighs all the other factors I just mentioned.   But what these older women all have in common is the baggage that comes with all these attributes.

It's the baggage that really keeps me in the mindset that I will remain single for a very long time. I don't want more children grown or otherwise. I don't want any more in-laws deceased or otherwise. In a nutshell, I don't want any baggage other than my own. I may eventually find a "beneficial friend." But I think I'm quite happy doing what I'm doing now. Playing games - Assassins Creed Revelations at the moment, blogging, doing the odd video - YouTube, nothing rude I can assure you. Just living my day-to-day life and enjoying it, sans anyone else's baggage.

One day I may feel differently, I may feel stronger, more tolerant of other folks baggage. When that happens I'll grab a handful of metaphorical handles and give it a go. In the meantime, I'll settle for carrying my own baggage, solo. Although I might invest in a trolley to help.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Freezing

So today a bunch of my "mad" colleagues decided to jump (and in some cases actually swim) in the North Sea. This madness was in aid of a very worthwhile charity - Cancer Research. I use the words "mad" and "madness" only because of the temperature. Both the air and the North Sea were bitterly cold. The air was about 38/39 degrees Fahrenheit and the North Sea had to have been much colder. They also wore so little in the way of clothing that, for some of them anyway, they might as well have been skinny dipping!

I'm mentioning the North Sea dip for several reasons.  One is because I am full of admiration for folks who do these mad things for a good and worthwhile cause. I also admire anyone who doesn't worry about the cold instantly stopping your heart! But seriously I respect folks who give their time so selflessly for such good causes. And  who enjoy themselves immensely while doing so. I wish I was so noble.

I tried the charity thing last year. Okay admittedly last year for me was my version of the Queen's  Annus Horribilis. But I will now state publicly that I'm not made of the stern stuff that my colleagues are. I can honestly say I enjoyed very little of my experience. I'm sure that the friends who partook of this momentous event all enjoyed the hell out of it, but not me. When one mate started the sentence, "When we do this next year..." I interjected quickly, "What in the hell makes you think I'm ever doing this s**t again??" "This is like a death march!" What we did was climb Mt Snowdon, in the summer. Summer in Wales equals cold, rain, low lying clouds, practically no visibility and basically freezing your backside off. So I waded up knee deep trenches of running water to almost the top of Snowdon. The less experienced of the climbers (myself and one other) had to turn back when it became too dangerous. I learned a lot about that experience. Mainly that I did not want to repeat it.

I think maybe it's because I don't originate from England. I'll explain. England is a country full of charitable people. I don't mean just the "dig-deep-into-your-pockets-and-donate" kind of folks either. The entire country is full of folks who do outlandish, uncomfortable things to raise money for worthwhile causes. These things can range from the slightly grotesque - taking a bath in cold baked beans, to the admirable - near naked dips in the freezing North Sea. And they all enjoy doing it.

I think we can all look up to the selfless folks who donate their time, surfeit their comfort and raise money for worthwhile causes. Yes charities need money, I try to give whenever I can. But what charities need more is effort, time and individuals who aren't afraid to give either.

I take my hat off to all the good folks who can continually do these things in aid of a good cause. I'd like to be just like you when I grow up.

Note: If you'd like to see what these heroes for good causes look like check out http://sticklepix.blogspot.com  the blog of the photographer extraodinaire who took pictures of the event.


Rushing

I've been in a hurry my whole life. When I was a youngster (that's teenager, really) I was convinced that if I didn't hurry up and "grow-up" I'd somehow miss the boat. I also wanted to do as many different things as possible. I had the usual suspects in my itinerary, travel, fame (or a monetary equivalent), freedom, and of course the all important career.

I changed my career goals as often as most folks change their underwear. My career choices ranged from: Lawyer - school took too long, Doctor - see Lawyer, Police - poor pay, Military - very poor pay (of course I did wind up in the Air Force, but that wasn't a planned career move), Archaeology - pay non-existent. The list was endless.  Then one day I had an epiphany - on the career front anyway -  I could be an actor! Rather than try to pursue all those careers, I could act like all those folks.

So, I enrolled in the High School Drama Department. I became a card carrying Thespian and I was proud to be one. Then that "being in a hurry" thing got in the way again. I started working for who ever wanted me. I made the lady who gave me my first chance vie for my time. We had, quite understandably, a huge falling out. I quit the Drama Department in a fit of rage. This had a house of cards effect. I lost the chance at my almost guaranteed scholarship to university, and my impetus. In my hurry to get where I wanted, by rushing ahead impervious to those around me, I screwed up.

I did try (several times) to get back on the "acting train" - moving to LA in the late 70's, and then nothing for almost 12 years. I did a little stage work when I moved to England, some extra work here and in Holland. I did the odd commercial, a lot of adverts for the Armed Forces Radio & Television Network in Holland. More extra work in the 90's along with some voice-over work, and then...nothing.

I was still in a hurry with everything else though. While my "career" stalled out, I was rushing to do other things. Getting married - twice, divorced - twice, fatherhood - twice, changing jobs - again more often, than most folks change their underwear, moving - like a grasshopper. My life didn't slow down until about ten years into my second marriage. Then it ground to a shuddering halt.

Now I'm single again, I've found that old habit of being in a hurry has resurfaced, albeit for a different reason now, I'm rushing to try get some old business taken care of. It is not often we get second chances in life. I've had more than my fair share of  "second chances," and this time I'm planning on getting it right.

I think I've cracked it finally. I think I've figured out how I can fulfil my natural proclivity for rushing while still taking my time. I've got a lot of catching up to do and I've started already - still in a hurry - but this time, I'm paying attention. I'm going to look at the sign posts as I speed up the last roads of my life. I'll try to avoid the detours when I can, and enjoy the scenery when I can't.

 I guess that's the only advantage of rushing, if you get sidetracked, you can still get back on your path. A little older, hopefully wiser and still able to enjoy the trip.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

The Remake Train: Oldboy


I have just read that Spike Lee   is re-making Oldboy. To say I'm angy and dismayed is the understatement of the century. I am not too surprised as there is apparently some sort of loophole in the Korean film system where the owners/creators of a Korean film have no rights. Anyone can take their film lock, stock and barrel and remake it.  This is the second time (that I'm aware of) where Hollywood has decided to take advantage of this copyright loophole.

The first time was with the brilliant A Tale of Two Sisters, Jee-woon Kim's masterpiece. This film was a skilful blend of supernatural horror and psychological thriller. It was butchered beyond all recognition by Hollywood in the re-make titled The Uninvited. It beggars belief that Hollywood can see the merit of the original film and then re-make it so badly that it is nigh-on unrecognisable upon completion.

Now Hollywood has it's sights firmly set on Oldboy.  Oldboy was part of Chan-wook Park's "vengeance" trilogy. The first of which was Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance  . The last of the trilogy was Lady Vengeance. Oldboy was sandwiched firmly in the middle. That Park is a master craftsman is undeniable. When you watch these films you feel overwhelmed by the imagery and the intricacy of the plots. Of course Min-sik Choi features in two of the films.  He is the star of Oldboy, the villain in Lady Vengeance and is suitably different in each role.

I dearly love all three films, although Sympathy for Mr Vengeance always depresses me no end when I watch it. The point is all three films have so much in common. I'm not talking about plot here. I'm talking about the amount of care that Park takes in the crafting of each film.  In Oldboy for example, look at the clothes the three main protagonists wear. Each of the characters wear certain colours and patterns that tell you, who they are and how they fit into the film. The set designs have been developed the same way. I could go on for hours about the amount of effort that Asian film makers put into their films, but I think it would start to sound a bit like ranting.

I think that Asian cinema has some of the most talented directors in the world  at the moment. Asian directors usually write the screen plays of the films they direct and in some cases produce them as well. If ever the phrase of  "director as auteur" applied to anyone, it applies to Asian directors. For Hollywood to re-make the work of these masters without asking permission, or (most disturbingly) without conferring with them on the process of the re-make itself is criminal. At the very least it is a little nuts. The very fact that the original films were so successful almost mandates an invitation for original creators to be involved.

There is no denying that Hollywood is on the "Remake Train."  They aren't just remaking World Cinema's great films, they're remaking much loved Hollywood films as well. True Grit was released earlier this year. And a list of further re-makes that are upcoming is long and upsetting.  One of the latest is The Wild Bunch which is under going talks to be directed by Tony Scott. It is disturbing to think that the well of talent is so dry in Hollywood that they've had to resort to remaking other peoples classic/iconic films to turn a profit.

I think it's safe to say that Hollywood is no longer the "Dream Factory," they are now the "Remake Factory."





Thursday, December 15, 2011

Waiting

Today was a day off for me. I had a whole load of things I was going to do on this free-from-work day. But as they say, "The best laid plans..." Why did my plans go awry? Well let's work that out shall we?

First I was up ridiculously late last night - that actually translates to the wee hours of the morning - then as a consequence, I overslept. Oversleeping then made me late for my appointment with my previous landlady and her final inspection. *sidenote - it went really well* Of course, I then had to wait for my landlady to make the aforementioned final inspection appointment because she was running late.

These two events had the cumulative affect of making everything else I had planned for the day get further and further behind schedule. As the day began to draw to a close, I started to get just a little stressed. All because everything - apart from the oversleeping part  - revolved around WAITING!!!


This all came to a head when, returning from my second trip to the nearest post office, I got caught in a traffic jam. I mean really? A traffic jam?? The vitriol was building up like a lava burst from a dormant volcano.

My inner dialogue went something like this: "WHAT?? I repeat, what ARE we doing here?" "First I drive ALL the way to the post office, JUST to find I have to go home and come back! Then, when I get home I have to make lunch! Then I have to come back to the post office RIGHT DURING RUSH HOUR!!!!!!"

 To top it all off, they were working on the road.

Then just as I was about to explode like a mini-Krakatoa, I started to chuckle. Not hysterically - although it was close -  "Well that's what you get for oversleeping!" Explosion averted, I started pondering about the amount of times we wind up waiting for things. Don't worry, I had plenty of time, this was a good sized traffic jam.

We wait, it seems, for just about everything. We wait in queues (lines for folks of American extraction) in supermarkets, we wait in the doctors office, in the dentist office, in the bank, at the petrol station, at the post office, at traffic lights and round-a-bouts (traffic circles, again for the American folks), we wait to be served in restaurants and wait to get our food in the same restaurants. We wait for holidays, days off, for the boiler to be mended. Well I could go on, but I think we'd both get bored and a little frustrated thinking about all that waiting.

I guess the thing I was pondering about in that traffic jam ( I'll bet you thought I'd gone off that subject) was this. How much of that time spent waiting is actually our own fault?

My critical mass point today was the second return trip from the post office. I could have avoided the traffic jam and even have avoided the second trip, if, I had done at least one of two things. If I had not decided in my infinite wisdom to stay up "till the cows come home" and if I had actually paid attention to the website that told me what to bring to the post office to begin with. Whoo, that was a long sentence, wasn't it?

I know that I'm not alone in getting angry at having to wait. I think that as a human animal we all have this tendency to begrudge our time being "wasted" by having to wait for something. But I'll bet we could all live with these wasted moments, if we just thought about how we got there to begin with.

I know my waiting today was largely a result of my own actions. Remembering this helped me to calm down and even have a chuckle at my own expense. This was much preferable to having a nuclear meltdown. The next time you're caught waiting try looking at why. You might find out that you were the cause after all. This may not help, but, at least you'll know who to pin the blame onto.

What's your favourite scary movie?




A little something different for today. Now just to set this up I have to explain that I love films. Especially horror films. Most especially Asian horror films. And top of the list are Korean horror films. My daughter shares this passion with me and she found this little gem of a horror film -  White: Cursed Melody. She has literally been banging on about this film for months. We finally were able to see this courtesy of YouTube.

All I can say is...Woah!

Korea is the capital of "manufactured" bands. Literally dozens of these groups are formed every year, usually by SM Entertainment. Boy bands and girl bands, the younger the better, are formed, homogenised and pasteurised and released to an adoring fan base. White: Cursed Melody (aka White) is about a girl group struggling for recognition in this highly competitive arena.

Okay, I know what you're thinking. How on earth is this a horror film. Well, even without the paranormal slant that is part of this film, you might find girl/boy singing groups quite horrible. Seen X Factor lately?

On with the plot...The "leader" of the group finds a 15 year old video tape that's been recorded in an old studio - a studio that previously caught fire with deadly consequences - by an unknown girl group. The song on the tape catches the "leader's" interest and she along with the group's manager decide to use the song in their competition. This song titled "White"  propels the group into the limelight.

The song turns out to be cursed (no, not like The Ring cursed) and that is essentially the plot of the film.

This film was brilliant. It showed, in the first half of the film, the stresses and strains on relationships between band members. It also showed the ravishing affects of inter-group competition and the "back-biting" and the "in-fighting" that occurs when any band takes off.

The second half of the film was just downright jump out of your seat, goose-bumply scary. I don't even think that Insidious made me jump as much. The film sucker punches you so many times you start to feel punch drunk. It also has a plot that isn't easily guessed by the viewer. You literally find out at the last possible moment who the "big-bad" really is.

Considering that most of the actors who played as the girl group were not actors but were singers from existing bands in Korea, it makes the film all the more memorable and amazing. I know that a lot of folks don't like sub-titles, but believe me this film is worth the irritation of reading them. On a side note, unlike a lot of sub-titled films, the titles themselves are not of book length and quickly read.  They really don't detract from the film at all.

Like I said it is SCARY.  Not to sound like a big fraidy cat, but, I'm going to bed tonight with the lights on.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Dreams And Time

We all have dreams. I don't mean of the "I dreamt last night I that I could fly" type dream. I mean dreams of what we want in this life. Our aspirations, our hopes and our preferred destinies. Some people dream of fame, stardom, or success. Others dream of keeping warm in the winter, having a full belly, being free from fear.

Often our dreams change.  They have to.  Life has a way of changing us and the way we see things. Situations  often cause this. Getting married, having children, just plain old paying the bills can change the focus of our dreams. Where once we dreamed of success or fame, we find that dream has shifted to our children.

 Another situation that can cause our dreams to change is time, or the sudden awareness of it. We get older. It's a fact. As we get older, life throws up more obstacles to thwart and challenge our dreams. Work, marriage, divorce, children, and health are just some of the things that can cause us to change or even lose sight of our dreams.

Sometimes we even turn our backs on the dream that we've had for years. This is not done lightly. It usually involves a lot of soul searching and re-evaluation. It is never an easy decision and it is usually pretty painful. The end result is sadness and a realisation that perhaps the dream was never attainable or unrealistic. This happens to most people and it's a damn shame, but it is part of life.

Time is the biggest obstacle to dreams we want to pursue. Time is fleeting, elusive and an illusion. I know what you're thinking. How, you ask, is time an illusion? It's simple if you think about it. When you were a child, time seemed to be an infinite thing. Remember school holidays? Summer break from school lasted practically forever. Now, if you are a parent, you'll have noticed school summer "hols" are over almost before they begin. And although time is a constant, our perception of it changes with age. Time appears to go faster.  See? Time is an illusion.

My daughter and I watched the brilliant film, The Bucket List the other day. For those of you who are not aware of this wonderful film, I'll give you the Readers Digest version of the plot. Two very different men - Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson- are given a prognosis of impending death. Morgan Freeman's character is making a "bucket list," in other words, things to do before you "kick-the-bucket."  The two men  then start trying to full-fill the list.  I thought of the film again today after talking about a colleague, that I have known and liked for years, who shuffled off his mortal coil suddenly and unexpectedly. He was not much older than I am.  I wondered if he had a "bucket list" and if he felt he had accomplished everything he wanted. If he had achieved any of his dreams...Did he even have any dreams.

My dreams over the years have been folded, stapled, and mutilated. They have been usurped by marriage - twice, divorce - twice, children - twice, various job changes, and various life experiences. These are all things that, if given a choice...I WOULDN'T CHANGE FOR THE WORLD. 

I  believe that even though time can be a real stinker, I can still have my dreams and pursue them. I may have to change them a bit, but, they'll continue to live in me despite time and various other influences in my world that have tried to destroy them. 

Time may cheat us from realising our dreams, but time can never kill our dreams. Only we can do that.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Bits

I realised today that the loft boards I bought for my old flat's attic have been left inadvertently for the new tenant. I'm not bothered.  The thirty odd pounds I spent to floor a small part of my attic was money well spent in my opinion. The investment cost of the boards more than paid for itself, just in letting me store my possessions that little bit closer to where I was living. Hopefully the new tenant can make good use of them.

I've moved around a lot in my life. I have always rented my abode, except for one short time period where my second wife and I bought our first home. We were very proud of that house, that although it was small, was ours.  As our daughter grew, she was a baby when we bought the house, it suddenly became even smaller. That combined with a school catchment glitch necessitated selling our home and re-entering the "rental chain."

When we left that house all our possessions came with us. Probably the only time in my rental life that I haven't left some of my "bits" behind. Looking back at my life of renting, I realise that I've left literally thousands of pounds worth of bits behind. Whether it's been odd tools that I didn't need any longer or just loft boards, I always felt fine with leaving them for future tenants to use or discard as they wished.  Many places I rented had little things left behind by previous tenants. Some of the abandoned things were quite macabre.

My first wife and I were desperate for a bigger place in Southern California. The manager of the apartment complex next to us came knocking on our door late one night. He knew we were looking for a bigger place. He told us a vacancy had just come up. When I enquired about the timing -the middle of the night- he explained that the previous tenant had committed suicide. After the police had finished their investigations and the next-of-kin had collected his belongings, the place was ours if we wanted it. We moved in soon after and I found a brand new razor in the bathroom. I called his family and they said do what ever I wanted to with it.  I kept it and used it for years, money was incredibly tight in those days. My "dead man's razor" my first wife called it. 

I know it probably seems like I've wandered from the subject a bit. Worry not, I am right on track. You'll see. 

The bits we leave behind us, whether on purpose or inadvertently, are parts of us. I don't just mean the odd hammer or bits of lumber we voluntarily leave behind. I talking about the bits of us left behind that leave an impression.  Somewhat like the over-used "carbon footprint" adverts, we leave footprints when we leave a place. It's much nicer to leave a footprint that says, "You know he was a really nice chap." or "I didn't realise  how helpful that fella was." 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not begging for folks to remember me well after I've gone or even to remember me at all. But given a choice, I would prefer that the bits I leave behind are good ones. Bits that leave a good taste in the recipients mouth, versus a bad one. 

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Paying Up

I'm supposed to be paying bills at this particular moment. But as is obvious by this post, I'm not. I will do, I promise. I still have a few days left before they are due. So there's no real rush.

Instead I am taking a break from the hustle and bustle of settling in. I've found homes for just about everything that was laying around on the floor. I've separated my post from the landlords post. I've pre-cooked tea and washed up the dishes. I've done a load of laundry and set it up to dry.  I've even made a list (in my head and God know how long that will stay there) of things I need to pick up from the store down the road. I even took Meg (my daughter) the other side of town to meet her mother.  No wonder I need a break, I've been busy!

But despite my busy day, the bills I've got to pay have never left my thoughts.  I am always afraid I will miss a payment and get a bad credit  rating. I know this comes from my up-bringing. My Dad used to always say, "You can have all the fun you want. But you have to remember that the important thing is paying up. You always have to pay the piper."

The things my Dad told me are just as true today as they were when I was a youngster.  In this day and age of easy credit and banks gone mad, I think a lot of folks don't believe that. But it is true, we all have to pay up.


Of course I'm not just talking about money here, I'm talking about life and our actions in it. Call it Karma, or just call it "owing the house," it all means the same thing.  We build up a debt by our actions and reactions to people, things and events. Stop and think about it. Have you ever refused to give up your seat on the bus for some poor old soul who needed it more? Stolen a parking place from another driver who was clearly waiting for it? I could go on and on about the seemingly trivial things that we do to one another  that helps build up that debt.

Now let me make one thing perfectly clear, I am not talking about religion. I'm talking about evening the scales, balancing how we deal with one another. Because believe it not, ugly actions build up a debt just as much as charging on your credit card. And one way or another we all have to go through the process of paying up that debt. Refusing to do so will result in bankrupting whatever it is inside of us that makes us human.

I  think that if we were afraid of getting a bad rating in life instead of just from the credit companies, everyone would get along a lot better. Remember the piper and what he did when the villagers refused to pay up. I'm going to try to keep paying up my "debts" because I don't want the "piper" mad at me!

 And you shouldn't want that either.



Friday, December 9, 2011

I got the little van??

Okay so I tried to rent a big van, but, they didn't have any. I was a little annoyed. I figured that the big van would allow me to move everything from storage in one go. Little van equals many trips.

 Bummer.

Then I go to the storage place and they don't have a hand truck (trolley) for me to borrow....yet. So the big van wouldn't have been a better choice at all. One trip equals no hand truck. No hand truck means no moving the washing machine. Since the washing machine is the heaviest thing in storage this would have been bad.


Now the important part of the above paragraph was the word yet. It turns out that someone else borrowed the hand truck and will have it back in a couple of hours.  Since I have the little van and have to make several trips, this has worked out perfectly. So my minor annoyance at the lack of a big van to hire was just that, minor.

It never ceases to amaze me how often I will get annoyed by little set-backs and obstacles that cause me to change my "perfect" game plan. When in reality most of these "annoyances" usually make my game plan better. I wonder if I will ever get that point of personal clarity where I will realise that my plans are only perfect if I remember to be flexible enough to "go with the flow"

I know I'm not alone is this reaction to set-backs and obstacles. Most people react the same way. My mother has always said that things happen for a reason. I think that to a huge degree this is true.

Example:

I had an audition for a Japanese training film in 1999. It was going to pay a brilliant wage, good residuals and 1st class accommodation for the duration of the shoot. They were going to be filming in the first week of October that year. What happened? The train I needed to take in order to make the audition in time broke down. I was devastated (it looked like I was a shoe-in for the part), my agent/manager was apoplectic. Fast forward to 14 September 1999 when I was in hospital for major lower back surgery. End result? There was no way at all that I would have been recovered enough to have taken the job. Yet when that train broke down, I was damn near suicidal.

We all need to step back and re-evaluate when we get annoyed about life's setbacks and obstacles. I'm sure if we think about it long enough we'll realise it works out more than all right in the end. Just think of the anger you won't be wasting. Save it for something important, like when you're doing your taxes.



Thursday, December 8, 2011

Hidden Treasure

While putting stuff in the attic of our new house I came across a hidden treasure.

 Lying on the attic floor, face down, was a cardboard cut-out of Buzz Lightyear! I mean, seriously, how cool is that?

Okay, maybe I'm a little old to get so excited about what is obviously an old video store sales promotion sign. But I have to admit to loving Buzz, Woody and the gang from the Toy Story Trilogy. When I showed Meg the "free-standing" Buzz she was, quite possibly, just slightly more excited than I was.

Buzz is now down in the house with us, taking pride of place in the living room. He is smiling at me right now. Peering past the edge of the dresser where he is temporarily propped up till I can get him standing independently again.

We had belated birthday cake this evening with Buzz in attendance as guest of honour. I was thinking while Meg cut the cake, how odd that Buzz was in our attic. Was it serendipity that two of biggest fans of the Toy Story franchise would find this hidden treasure? Or was it just a lucky fluke? I don't really know or care for that matter. It is just one of those nice things that can happen every now and then.

Despite being in a huge rush to get things sorted in our new home, I still couldn't resist looking around the new "empty" attic. If I hadn't looked twice at the floor coloured shape, I wouldn't have found Buzz at all.

How often, I wonder, as we rush through our daily lives do we miss hidden treasures? I'll bet that if we all just took a second to look around, both literally and figuratively, we'd find a lot of hidden treasure. Try it and  see. You just might get lucky and find something really great.

Who knows, you just might find a Buzz or even better a Woody.






Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Happy Birthday Meg!

On this day 22 years ago, my daughter was brought into this world in a hospital full of foreign extraction. When I looked down at her, I burst into tears and said, "She's a girl and she's beautiful." The nurse who was helping to deliver her looked at me and said, "Wat seg U?"

Meg started talking early and she hasn't stopped! Unfortunately she gets this from my side of the family. The American side of her family all love to talk and if we are excited or passionate about a subject, well, Katie bar the door!

I'm celebrating this day with a little reflection of her personality traits that make loving her so easy and keeps me cheering her on in her endeavours. She's super:  imaginative, creative, passionate, funny, pretty and most of all she's my daughter and my best friend.

She's my movie buddy - no one else in the world shares my love of cinema like she does. She's my gaming buddy - although we squabble like children when we game together (usually with her telling me off). She's my cheerleader, constantly cheering my little pursuits. She also tells me off when I need it - usually when I have my grump ass on.

Meg is slowly carving her path in the world and despite a few set-backs she is still marching resolutely forward in her pursuit of a career. Even though I know that we will keep in constant touch when she leaves home and starts her life path, I will miss her. She has been a constant factor in my life for 22 years and her presence has kept me young at heart.

So this is my Happy Birthday Ode to my daughter. I hope this day is indeed special and that despite having to spend it with grumpy old me, that she continues to be herself.

Oh and one last birthday wish. I hope she doesn't develop any of my bad habits!

Happy Birthday Meg!!!





Monday, December 5, 2011

A Post A Day...

I decided not too long ago that I would do a post a day to my blog.  The reason for this was three-fold; first, I would get in the habit of writing something daily and second, this daily writing exercise would get me in some kind of shape to start re-writing an old screenplay I've had kicking around for years and third, as I haven't had time to do any videos for ages, this seemed like a good "trade-off."

Well suffice to say, I never run out of things to write about. Whether I am complaining about the everyday mundane irritants that life can throw in my direction or the odd epiphany that I've been privy to.

Sometimes though it is just nice to ramble. I've had nothing really irritating happen today nor have I been blessed (or cursed) with any sort of epiphany. It has been, all said and done, a fairly productive day. I put together two more bits of furniture and I am now feeling the strain in my muscles and brain.

Ah! About the self-assemble furniture. Who decided to make all the directions pictures? I'm sure that someone somewhere thought that utilising a picture diagram of the assembly was an ace idea. In my humble opinion though, I beg to differ. In the old days (when I was much younger and presumably faster) I could  put a medium piece of furniture together in about an hour.This was of course using the "old fashioned" directions.  Not now. It took me the best part of a day to put together a wardrobe and a chest of drawers!

I refuse to believe that this is because I am older and *cough* slower. Instead, I am going to blame the stupid pictorial directions. Hmmm. I wonder if this counts as an epiphany?



Sunday, December 4, 2011

Where the hell is my internet!

Well, we are still moving. It's taking a long time despite being right next door to my old address. Yesterday I came home from work to find my new internet wasn't working. All right, I'll admit it right up front, I got a little annoyed...Well, a LOT annoyed.

Not so much at the beginning, but as the night wore on my irritation began to take on epic proportions. It probably didn't help when I got a text from my provider saying that I would have an answer to my problem in 48 hours!

Needless to say, it didn't take 48 hours, it only took about 24 hours. Of course I spent the entire time stomping around the house, cursing and shouting, "Where the hell is my internet!" This helped the situation....NOT!!!
In hindsight I now realise that the reason I got so annoyed is that I'm addicted to the internet. Yep, I'm hooked on facebook, twitter, and YouTube. But above and beyond my "craving for social networking" it dawned on my that I was reliant on the net for most of my important communication.

I use Skype to talk to my family in America. I couldn't afford to pay the phone bill if I kept in touch via the normal telephonic route. I use various websites for weather updates, current news, well the list goes on and on.
Like the mobile phone, the home computer (and it's partner-in-crime the web) have become as necessary to our everyday lives as food and drink. We use the internet for banking, shopping, communicating, booking holidays...

When I was a teenager, I thought nothing of driving long distances without a mobile phone; they weren't around then! Now, I don't like to go down to the local shop without my mobile phone. As for the internet, not having access for just 24 hours practically turned me into a gibbering idiot.

I don't know what new technological advances are on the way to replace mobile phones or the internet, but,I am sure I will become just as addicted to them.

Meanwhile, back to the long move.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Don't try to do too much at once! This is my new credo.

I am setting here in my new house, amidst boxes, packing rubbish, and my entertainment centre trying to think of my next task. Somewhat unsurprisingly I don't know which task to start first...

Let's see, the sun is shining so I could get a load of laundry done. Or I could start bringing more bedroom things over from the old place. Or I could go get some laundry pegs so I could actually do the laundry. Or I could go buy a nail pulling tool to start taking the old bookcases apart. ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!

See what I mean? Too many irons in the fire and you just get confused and start dithering.

Life is a lot like moving house. If you don't set up a definite plan you get bogged down with direction loss and task floundering. It's okay to do the old "one step forward, two steps back" drill if you're still following your plan.

In the mean time, I've got my games consoles and my daughter to keep me entertained on the old Kinect. Oh and the hoover to clean my dishevelled house!

“Reach out and touch someone.” Old adverts on the telly used this catchy phrase to flog telephones. But in this age of social networking, folks are “reaching out” via facebook, twitter and other networks.
In a time when the people closest to us often seem not to care, or worse, notice; it seems that we can get that touch of empathy from the people we’ve connected with via the networks.
More often than not, it is a stranger that we’ve “friended” that gives us that helping hand, that shoulder to cry on, that “understanding” we so desperately need.
Sure, there are a lot of charlatans in the world of social networking. But for every trickster, there must be at least one person reaching out for real.
It cost’s nothing to pass on a kind word or at least a bit of mutual understanding of their fear and pain. As long as they’re not asking for money (I’m not that naive), go for it. You may find yourself in their position one day.